To say I have struggled with confidence issues my whole life would be an understatement. I have never been able to pinpoint why I have this issue.  It has been a condition I just sort of deal with.  Some would say that I deal with it rather poorly; but I try the best I can.  For the most part I am able to function in the "real world" by faking it.  Unfortunately, when mountain biking I can't fake it.

    This weekend I made the trip to Ski Denton with Rob for some awesome mountain biking.  Everything was going fine until I made one mistake.  I was coming down a fast wide trail at 20+ mph and was braking to keep my speed in check, as well as slow up for an upcoming turn.  Well, in these conditions speeds, you have to make hundreds of minuet adjustments each second to keep everything in check, and keep the bike on line.  The most important of these being the brake bias.  As I was braking, the bike hit a looser than normal section, and the front tire instantly locked.  I was able to correct and remain balanced, but the momentary mess up shot me off the trail into the ferns and underbrush on the side of the trail. It is hard enough to slow down and maneuver when you can see what you riding on, and next to impossible to do when you cant see what it is your on.  I had to continue to slow down while trying to get back on the trail before hitting an unseen rock or log, or hitting a fast approaching tree.  Somehow I managed to stop before anything bad happened, but my confidence was shattered.

    The rest of the day was nothing but me trying and loosing to get out of my head and just ride the trails.  On many occasions I ended up walking sections of trail which would be able to clean without any issue if I would just stay on and keep my speed up.  My eyes would see the steep slope of the trail, and the off camber nature, or loose terrain, and I would just lock up and get off the bike.  I began stiffening up down the trails, which makes it extremely difficult to turn, and when I would come up on a turn at high speed I would slow down rather than rail the corner. 

    The worst part of it was the fact that I knew I could do a section, and that I could hit a corner at a certain speed, but I just could not get over my doubts.  The whole activity gets ruined when you think about it to much.  I just know this "minor" setback is going to take me months to get over. Oh how I wish I could just stop thinking about the "what-if" scenarios and just enjoy my life.